The Ax by Westlake Donald E

Author:Westlake, Donald E. [Westlake, Donald E.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FIC030000
Publisher: Hachette Book Group
Published: 2001-04-11T04:00:00+00:00

21

Well, that wasn’t so bad.

And I got a good night’s sleep, dreamless—at least, nothing I remember or that bothered me in any way— and woke up refreshed this morning, feeling positive about things for the first time in a while.

I think what it is, in addition to the business with Asche being simpler and cleaner than the two before it, almost as clear-cut as the very first one, I think there’s the knowledge that finally I’m more than halfway through this thing. At the beginning, I had to do the six resumé, and I have to do Upton “Ralph” Fallon, but then that’s it, that’s the end of it, forever and ever.

(I’ll know how to handle the situation ahead of time, if anything like this ever looms again.)

But now I’ve done four of them, so there are only three to go, and that lifts my spirits considerably. It’s like realizing you’ve finally made it past the midway mile marker in a long and grueling race.

Also, there’s some sort of early indication that there might be a thaw between me and Marjorie. Nothing tangible, really, no words said on the subject, merely a difference in the quality of the air inside the house. A little conversation between us, casual, about minor things. Not like normal life exactly, but closer.

This change may have happened because she’d finally come out with it, told the truth, or at least partly, and doesn’t have to keep her burdensome secret any more. (If only it could be that easy for me.) And also probably because I’d agreed to the idea of counseling, and because the first session has happened, however little might have been accomplished so far, and because it looks as though the counseling can continue.

And maybe, just maybe, even more than all of that, it could be there’s been a change in me as well. Maybe, when I was determined to kill the boyfriend, when I wasn’t even turning it over in my mind but just accepting it as a fixed and certain thing to be done, maybe during that time I was clenched and tense around Marjorie, stalking her, watching her, searching for a trail to my prey. And now that I’ve caught on to myself, stopped myself, now that I’ve realized how awful that idea was and given it up completely, maybe she can sense a new ease in me, and my relaxation helps her to relax.

Long-term joblessness, it hurts everything. Not just the discarded worker, but everything. Maybe it’s wrong of me, snobbish or something, to think this hits the middle class more than other people, because I’m middle class (and trying to stay middle class), but I do think it does, it hurts us more. The people at the extremes, the poor and the very rich, are used to the idea that life has great swings, now you’re doing well, now you’re doing badly. But the middle class is used to a smooth progress through life. We give up the highs, and in return we’re supposed to be protected from the lows.

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